Grains of Sand


Goodbye 2008…a rambling rant
December 31, 2008, 3:46 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This is the last blog of 2008 – not an impressive one or really anything that needs to be said and on and on… but that being said, we’ve seen a lot this year – in the media, in the news, in the world, in our own personal lives.  Celebrities have continued to be train wrecks and wonderful people – sometimes at the same time (we’ll talk more about that later), there have been wars and deaths, and famine continues; America has elected the first black President – and that is a huge step to a better future – let’s just get this out here, and I know my family hates me to admit – but I am a conservative, Republican Christian……but not the stereotype……and that being said, I am so freaking excited to see the change that Obama is going to bring!  I see the potential for hope, change and many great things – I am in love with this picture, which I think, was candid:obamaThis is something that makes me smile on the inside and out.

This year, for me, personally has been awesome and horrible.  I fought so desperately to get back to my 2nd semester of the Biblical Certificate, which was great in that moment.  But, the classes were just crap, and my own spiritual journey became like stagnet water, the kind with mosquitoes, entirely my own fault, but it is what it is.  The only exception is that I did a DVD project for one of my classes and got a rediculously impossible-high mark/grade for it and the teacher loved it so much (it was a self-esteem DVD for Christian girls), that he took it home to show his wife and daughter and then told me I should do something like that professionally – so that’s my new path…that was good.

Then the semester ended with one freaking awful thing after another – the Dibocles did not cease for me.  It felt like everyone and everything was against me – My life had turned upside down – My Grandma died in a stupid accident and it was so unexepected and shocking and I hate that it happened – but it did.  Then my Dad was diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancer and chemo or radiation wasn’t enough – so they had to do both at the same time.  All of this has been happening whilst friendships are changing left and right and many unexpected things have come from that or are because of that and vice versa and so on….and on top of it all, I’m stuck without a passport – it was lovely to spend Christmas here and I am so greatful for the hospitality and love shown to me – but I needed to see Grandpa and Dad for my own peace of mind…..sigh.   This year, has been wonderful. Until summer.  Then it was downhill until about a month ago – I felt like everyone was leaving me either physically, emotionally, or whatever…even God…and when you don’t feel you have God near you anymore, it’s like living in your own personal hell.  Like every breath is an eternity, painful, and you wish it would change or at least stop hurting so much – You sleep all the time because it’s the only time that you aren’t forced to think, to feel, it’s the safest time, and even then it’s not always safe because there are dreams.

Wow. This is long and emo.  But, it needs to be said.  I can’t sum up 2008 without mentioning it all.  But that being said – the only thing that I was able to cling on to was hope. and this is the thought that I leave you and 2008 with. HOPE. It’s something that is always there, whether we feel it or not.  We have hope in Jesus. We have hope BECAUSE of Jesus, and that is a beautiful thing to cling on to.  No matter how far we feel from Him, He’s still there.  The pastor of the church that I go to when I’m in Endicott had a fab qoute and he said that God would rather hold us through a temper tantrum than have us not communicate with Him…..I’ll probably talk more about that later too.  So that’s what I leave you with. Hope. Learn it, live it, let it become a huge part of your life – if nothing else – Hope. ok. The End.

ps. I love this picture and I hope you let it sit with you and love it too. 🙂

hope

Love you all,

Valerie xoxo

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1 Comment so far
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I love that pic at the end, so cool! I appreciate your honesty and so sorry to hear about your grandma and dad, I hope you get to go home soon! I lost both my grandparents 7 months apart last year,it was a hard time and my relationship with the Lord suffered through that time and its hard to get it back to what it was..not that its the reason for it..but just the brokeness of the time seemed to get me and keep my heart from spending time and connecting with the Lord..glad you are fighting all that. Hope 2009 is better for you!

Comment by ashleymorganjackson




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