Grains of Sand

Eventually you all will get a post…

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I got four tickets to see Michael Jackson on 12 July in London – and cannot wait!

A lot of people had problems getting and/or using their presale code, but I was able to get the code and get the maximum of 4 tickets…..which also means that I have 2 left available for the decent price of only £57 – I’m not even jacking up the price. lol It was £50 for each ticket and £7 for each of teh Ticketmaster booking fees for each – no hidden charges…so….you wanna go?

xoxo

Ok – If anyone actualy reads this thing, I have severely neglected you. Sorry!  So, we’re doing 2 major updates in 2 entries…mostly because I’m in class at the moment so I can’t do too much. lol Anyhoo -

A couple weeks ago I was making photocopies for class with 3 classmates, and I checked my pigeon hole/mail box quickly to see if I had anything – and there it was. An envelope, and I could feel my passport inside – I said – “Britt! It’s here!” and we sat on the stairs of the main house and before opening it I just reaffirmed that no matter what was in the envelope, God is who He is and is unchanging and has a plan for me wherever this takes me….then opened it and there was a long letter – I thought it was approved but the language was so proper and all so I wasn’t sure until I opened my passport and saw my mugshot of a picture inside, in sticker form, with a residency permit!

IT WAS APPROVED!

So many prayers and tears went into that – and it was quite the rollercoaster amidst it all – I am so thankful I have it now – it sucked to be an illegal alien.  So, yes, that’s that and part two of major updates is coming soon – sooner than this took to write!

Love,

Valerie

xoxo

“Nobody likes you when you’re 23…”

Quote from the Blink 182 song “What’s My Age Again?”

It came up randomly when my iTunes was on shuffle – and it brought back a lot of wonderful memories of being a preteen/young teen – until that line came up – repeatidly. lol

But, the point of this is that when this song first came out in 1999, life was a lot different – and I thought 23 was SO OLD…

sigh. I’m there. and I’m not old.

Perspective. It’s all about perspective, my dear friends…

So, I’m not sure if you all know, but I want to be famous when I grow up. lol I mean, what I want to do is travel and be a public speaker for girls and women around 12 years and older on things like self-esteem and who they are in Christ…but how the heck does one do that?

I’m not quite sure.

So, I’m in the process of a Theology degree…possibly followed by a Masters in Communication.

In the meantime, I have this passion inside of me that I don’t want to burn out – to slowly fizzle to an ember before being extinguished…but how do I nurture this besides the obvious answer of prayer and patience?

Well, I was so kindly being reminded of how much I’ve screwed up, even in the last 24 hours (thanks a lot, satan, you jerk) but instead of moping and feeling sorry for myself, although I did a little, I decided to flip it around – I need to get more serious. So God and I are going to travel around NI on the train tomorrow – just Him and I – and we are going to talk and major things are going to happen, not just tomorrow, not just in my own life, but for the future, mine and other’s. ah, ambitious thought eh? Well, God is bigger than that, bigger than my doubt – so I’m sure I’ll talk about it later.

Anyhoo – I was thinking about this and all of a sudden I thought – why can’t I start speaking where I’m at? Now? Here? Well, because there’s no where for me to do it.  I thought, surely you jest, there has to be something for Christian women in NI…but alas, I googled nothing.  We in NI have really failed in this department…I mean, there’s Summer Madness for the young people, many conferences in the mainland UK, probably mini retreat things for churches – but why isn’t there a conference for Christian women in Northern Ireland?!

That got the wheels turning.

Why the crap can’t I start one?

Soooo, this is why I’m blogging this – because I don’t know where to start! (One of the many reasons I’d love to get married – I have creative passionate ideas, but no idea how to channel them and do them and so I need someone who balances that out…but I digress. lol)

So, yes, where do I start? I don’t think it’s a crazy idea – I just don’t know how to do it. lol

I’ll probably write more tomorrow or sometime – but I’d love your thoughts – because all I have at the moment is a big dream…

Love you all!

Valerie

…for now.

This is a really quick update on my life, then I’m sure the next one will be another quickie on good ole J.S….

Things have been very interesting this week – relationships have changed and I have been re-reminded how fallen and depraved we are as humans – I mean to apologize and forgive are two really hard things to do!  I know that we’re called to forgive and to love each other as we love ourselves – but it’s hard!

And to be honest, I can’t do it on my own – but thankfully, it’s with Jesus’ help that I can.

In my own human-ness, I find it, personally, easy to forgive, but I don’t easily forget – I hold it in my tight little fists, sometimes until I am forced to let go – I’m a lot better at this than I used to be but still…

The thing I find to happen so often is that Satan uses this against me, like oh so many other things – he in his slimy little ways, so generously reminds me of what each person has said about me, to me, or done to me…he likes to whisper into my ear things that I found out or heard first hand and make me feel that anger and hurt all over again…he sucks. seriously.

wow. this was supposed to be quick – sorry! Anyway, this is how I feel and what I’m dealing with – so I’m just going to leave it out here -I may come back to this at a later time, but Im dont for now.

Classes start this week. Still babysitting. Doing really well except for the obvious ranting above. lol Yeah. Im in class now and I think the teacher is getting suspicious, so I end here.
Love,

Valerie

haha I know you’re all looking for the links if you’re reading this – I hope you take the time to read my other posts and maybe even keep reading in the future…but for now:

http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/uk_national_news/4062566.Ex_pats_cheer_in_new_president/

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2009/0121/1232474671128.html

http://www.thisisthewestcountry.co.uk/uk_national_news/4062387.Ex_pats_cheer_in_new_president/

(The video on BBC has been replaced by today’s news…sad. lol)

http://prints.paphotos.com/pictures_1379053/us-president-inauguration.html?PHPSESSID=faf11d23b06d2633158d7b5474817ee2

http://prints.paphotos.com/pictures_1379052/us-president-inauguration.html

http://prints.paphotos.com/pictures_1379051/us-president-inauguration.html

(the last one I’m in the background in the right hand side about 2:20 minutes in)

…plus 2 print papers – 1 from the North and 1 from the South (yes, they are 2 different countries) – and apparantly the national news in the US – The Associated Press was one of our photographers.

Ok, that’s all for now…famous or not, I still have a final exam tomorrow that I need to study for…

Love you all!

Love,

Valerie

ps. here are 2 pics of me and Britt today with our print interviews/pics…

Really quick update before I have to go and babysit the gorgeous Rianna for 5 hours followed by more studying/revising….

It was not the visa at the post office.

It wasn’t a sad day, because, quite frankly, I was pissed…only because it was a letter from Claire’s…only because it was the exact copy of what they sent me in the normal, non-signature required post. Sigh. Oh well….oh, and ps. I lost my job at Claire’s…but it’s ok – I’ll talk about that later – but they couldn’t hold my job any longer whilst I’m waiting for my visa and feeling like Tom Hanks in The Terminal….Oh well, it’ll be ok.

Well folks, this is is, we’re here at the crossroads, everything we’ve been praying about since before Halloween is about to culminate…I think….

Saturday I picked up my post at the Bible College – I use their address for my important things, because they’re more permanant of an address here than I have at the moment, anyhoo – I got the lovely – ‘we want money for your student loans’ papers – so i need to call those lovely people and say, ‘no, i give you no money – i be’s in school, still learning – and the proof is on its way to your office’ but that’s ok – and I got a note from the Royal Mail, saying that they tried to deliver something that needs to be signed for but no one was there (b/c classes are not in session so staff is on holiday), and it can be picked up in Belfast -

So, I am going tomorrow morning to pick up whatever it is that they have for me.  I’m pretty sure it’s my passport/visa, although that brings on varied emotions……I, of course, want it approved, and then I can go back to work, and get money again to pay bills and continue school and everything is hunky dory…but there’s also a chance that it’s denied…..

This means one of 2 things – well, if it’s denied, then I need to get out of the country asap, back to the States, that’s just the way it is, there’s nothing I can legally do about it.  However, here’s where the path divides again…if it is denied, I will go home, and reapply for a new student visa – it means I will be missing my exams, which sucks, but I can resit them in March, Praise the Lord that classes don’t start until February….As soon as I get home, I send off my visa application and hopefully that gets approved – and maybe my bro can fanagle me a job again whilst I wait, if not, if it’s not approved…..I don’t know.  I don’t know if I’ll continue my fight to stay in the UK or if I’ll just pack it up and finish my degree in the states. I don’t know…

I do know that whatever happens, is happening for a reason.  The Lord knows what I want to happen, but maybe it’s not His will, or in His timing – and that’s the hard part to understand or at least accept.  Soooo, hopefully, I remember this, and keep a prayerful mindset – because, no matter what, God is right alongside me, and…

This is the last blog of 2008 – not an impressive one or really anything that needs to be said and on and on… but that being said, we’ve seen a lot this year – in the media, in the news, in the world, in our own personal lives.  Celebrities have continued to be train wrecks and wonderful people – sometimes at the same time (we’ll talk more about that later), there have been wars and deaths, and famine continues; America has elected the first black President – and that is a huge step to a better future – let’s just get this out here, and I know my family hates me to admit – but I am a conservative, Republican Christian……but not the stereotype……and that being said, I am so freaking excited to see the change that Obama is going to bring!  I see the potential for hope, change and many great things – I am in love with this picture, which I think, was candid:This is something that makes me smile on the inside and out.

This year, for me, personally has been awesome and horrible.  I fought so desperately to get back to my 2nd semester of the Biblical Certificate, which was great in that moment.  But, the classes were just crap, and my own spiritual journey became like stagnet water, the kind with mosquitoes, entirely my own fault, but it is what it is.  The only exception is that I did a DVD project for one of my classes and got a rediculously impossible-high mark/grade for it and the teacher loved it so much (it was a self-esteem DVD for Christian girls), that he took it home to show his wife and daughter and then told me I should do something like that professionally – so that’s my new path…that was good.

Then the semester ended with one freaking awful thing after another – the Dibocles did not cease for me.  It felt like everyone and everything was against me – My life had turned upside down – My Grandma died in a stupid accident and it was so unexepected and shocking and I hate that it happened – but it did.  Then my Dad was diagnosed with 2 kinds of cancer and chemo or radiation wasn’t enough – so they had to do both at the same time.  All of this has been happening whilst friendships are changing left and right and many unexpected things have come from that or are because of that and vice versa and so on….and on top of it all, I’m stuck without a passport – it was lovely to spend Christmas here and I am so greatful for the hospitality and love shown to me – but I needed to see Grandpa and Dad for my own peace of mind…..sigh.   This year, has been wonderful. Until summer.  Then it was downhill until about a month ago – I felt like everyone was leaving me either physically, emotionally, or whatever…even God…and when you don’t feel you have God near you anymore, it’s like living in your own personal hell.  Like every breath is an eternity, painful, and you wish it would change or at least stop hurting so much – You sleep all the time because it’s the only time that you aren’t forced to think, to feel, it’s the safest time, and even then it’s not always safe because there are dreams.

Wow. This is long and emo.  But, it needs to be said.  I can’t sum up 2008 without mentioning it all.  But that being said – the only thing that I was able to cling on to was hope. and this is the thought that I leave you and 2008 with. HOPE. It’s something that is always there, whether we feel it or not.  We have hope in Jesus. We have hope BECAUSE of Jesus, and that is a beautiful thing to cling on to.  No matter how far we feel from Him, He’s still there.  The pastor of the church that I go to when I’m in Endicott had a fab qoute and he said that God would rather hold us through a temper tantrum than have us not communicate with Him…..I’ll probably talk more about that later too.  So that’s what I leave you with. Hope. Learn it, live it, let it become a huge part of your life – if nothing else – Hope. ok. The End.

ps. I love this picture and I hope you let it sit with you and love it too.

Love you all,

Valerie xoxo